thez: Ari IS Inspector Spacetime! Somewhen. (Default)

Although my life is primarily work and tedium right now, I’ve decided that I want to get back into journaling. The start of a new year is as good a place as any to begin again.

The Photo: some excellent Z-mas tidings from friends! Ru sent an abundance of homemade soap that I am excited to use! AND a cowl, modeled by Julianne the t-rex plush. AND adorable mini portraits of super BFF team Ari and Alice! AND MEEJ SENT ME TEQUILA ok no, she sent me money to BUY that tequila for a long-distance friendship toast, and it’s gonna be great. AND that adorable card is Fyre’s very own bird art! ART THAT SHE MADE!

File under “things to come back to when my malfunctioning brain insists that everyone hates me”. Or, Exhibit A for Awesome.

The Weekends: NYE was a low-key dinner with the family and the birthday nephew, which was ideal in light of the passing and upcoming years. This weekend’s birthday dinner for Mom was marred when my body decided to kick up a migraine just as we sat down in the restaurant. Foolish me probably should not have ignored the warning signs, but me and Ma can make up for it by enjoying her OTHER birthday gift later (”What We Do in the Shadows” on blu-ray heeeey).

The Tedium: transferring all my accounts to a local credit union, ugh. Scheduling doctor appointments and lab work, uuuggghhh. Pulling double-duty at the F-18 hot cell at work and overtime besides, UUUGGHH.

The Entertainment: the (mid?)season finale for “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” was wonderful and everything I wanted right up until the last second. wwwhhAAAAT THE FUCK.

I also enjoyed “Hidden Killers of the Tudor Home”, which—despite the sensationalizing title—is an interesting overview of the evolution of architecture, technology, culture, and medicine in Tudor period England. I’ll probably give the follow-ups on the Victorian, Edwardian, and post-war periods a whirl as well.
thez: Ari IS Inspector Spacetime! Somewhen. (Default)
Two weeks ago I started a project: identify what concrete things in my life are causing me the most anxiety (e.g. a messy spot in the apartment, a pile of mail, looking for a new phone) and start tackling them, but no more than one or two at a time!

I made notes on my progress or lack thereof, and started work on a vague timetable of things I NEED to do, and started allocating slots of time to things I WANT to do as well. And it’s ACTUALLY WORKING!

Even though I’m not sure WHY it’s working!

I KNOW it’s working because 1) I’m actually completing projects and 2) the defeatist internal dialogue that usually accompanies my upticks in anxiety and depression has become much more vague, even in light of the tasks I haven’t yet started on (which means that I subconsciously believe I’ll be able to accomplish them). That is to say, instead of the thought of my “failures” triggering a wave of self-loathing, I only have the vague notion of “things are going well but IT CAN’T LAST! SOMETHING LURKS! SHIT’S GONNA GO DOWN” which, at this point, is much easier to deal with.

As to WHY it’s working, I can only guess. My depression hasn’t significantly improved, but I’m more comfortable accepting the bad days (i.e. instead of just saying “it’s okay if you accomplish nothing today” I actually BELIEVE it, and move on when my mood goes back up). So, it might be that. It might be that I’m actually sticking to the schedule. It might be that—autoimmune diseases aside—I’m actually in better physical health. It might be that I’ve gotten better at organizing. It might be all of the above, which becomes much more obvious when I write it out like this. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And hopefully this will help someone else, too? Not the sparse details of my project, but rather the idea that not only can you live with mental illness for 18 years—SURVIVE it—but you can still surprise yourself.

Anyway, that’s my life currently. As my “need” list becomes less daunting and more regular, I’m allocating more time to my “want” list, and I’m excited to see where that will take me.
thez: Ari IS Inspector Spacetime! Somewhen. (Default)

I haven't been posting about my terrible life adventures here, but this about sums it up to now.

Obvs I am still sick. However! I’m finally seeing an Itis-specialist. Or, rheumatologist I guess. I like him! Though his assistant needs to dial back the smiles. I get unnerved when someone is grinning from ear-to-ear while saying things like “stool sample” and “pelvic exam”.

It still looks as though the DM has not spread to my muscles, though it HAS spread to either the tendons or joints of my hands?? (I didn’t know it could do that.) But my skin seems to be improving even without medication, score.

I think most of my blood is in California right now. You know when you go to get blood work done and the phlebotomist pulls out one, two, three, maybe four vials to fill with your precious life fluids? She just kept GRABBING MORE VIALS. “Man, I still gotta drive home.” Anyway, I guess there’s a special lab out there that specializes in autoimmune diseases. I’m not sure what they’re specifically looking at this time.

AND NOW BEGINS THE MONTH OF CANCER SCREENINGS! Because DM is more likely to develop in people with malignancies? Or people with DM are more likely to develop malignancies? Or BOTH? I’m not super-clear on that point, but “we have to be proactive!” (too-intense smile) so I got a couple of CT scans, a MAMMOGRAM, and a GODDAMN COLONOSCOPY, the last two being things I hoped to avoid another 15-20 years. Oh, and I get to poop in a bag for the second time in my life. I never expected to do that even once, so, I guess I’m ahead of the game? (I’m not sure I like this game.)

And on top of that, I might have to look into buying a new car because my current transmission is being a jerk. Literally. It’s kinda jerk-y. I dunno. I’m hoping to put off buying a new car a little longer if I can; I’ve never really bought a car before! My first car I got off my grandparents for $20 (’87 Impala) and my current car was a “Sorry for Spending Your College Fund on Cocaine” gift from my parents (is that not a traditional gift in other families?).

So I’m a little tired and a little irritated because I really wanted to get back into writing this month, BUT????
thez: For Ian Malcolm, three bodies are no problem at all (SEXY SCIENCE JOKE). (Jurassic Park - Ian Malcolm IS Chaos)

► Once again, random photos from around Central City, Phoenix.

► LAST WEEK WAS CRAP IN A HAT. It started with a panic attack at work and continued with me throwing my back out. My back had been doing well since my SoCal vacation last fall, but I guess the universe saw me taking for granted simple tasks like rolling over in bed.

► Now that basic movement has been regained, I’ve started some exercises. Hopefully I can continue these exercises, since my body is apparently not satisfied with all the running around I do at work. But also, look at the super-sexy “tail wag” and “cat and camel” exercises. Tail wag guy especially wants you to come get some. (My sweat pants and limited range of motion bring all the ladies to the yard.)

► Prior to crap week, I caught up with old friends in Tucson at a Memorial Day bbq, and watched my nephew go swimming for the first time, and tried jellyfish (verdict: like meat cole slaw; would consume again). That was nice!

► It’s still overtime and weekend shifts through the 4th of July, but after that I will be on a NORMAL, NON-ROTATING SCHEDULE. And as of today we are once again FULLY STAFFED. And trainee #1 is doing very well (have not met trainee #2 yet). HOPE IS ON THE HORIZON.

► Now I will go exercise while Hot Sauce looks on on confusion. (Lizard Head Tilt. Lizard Head Tilt. Clime further up perch. INTENSE STARE.)
thez: O'Brien and Bashir are retro! (Deep Space Nine - What's Up in Space?)

HERE IS MY PRECIOUS LIZARD SON. His name is Hot Sauce. His FULL name is Hot Sauce Sriracha Beardsley (SHHH I do not usually like to bandy my real name around, but just this once because it is too perfect: BEARDsley, BEARDED dragon).

I need to take some photos with my actual camera so that you can see his coloring properly (splotches of orange and RED EYES, hence his name).

I had two bearded dragons when I was younger, both of which I adopted from one of my high school teachers because her kids weren’t caring for them properly. Same thing happened here: a coworker found out I used to keep beardies, and his daughter had a lizard she didn’t want to care for any more, so he offered it to me.

He brought the lizard into work, so all my other coworkers saw it, and that’s how he got his name. One coworker walked into the lab after seeing the lizard and promptly told me “His name is Hot Sauce!” and I liked it so much I kept it. (Another coworker said “You should have named him Sriracha!” to which I said “You should have suggested it first!” but it’s now his middle name.)

I took him to the vet the day I got him to make sure he was in good shape, and everyone in the office loved him and his name. And he IS in very good health! I am quite relieved: the two lizards I had when I was younger came to me in poor health, but I will say for my coworker’s daughter that even though she didn’t want to keep caring for the lizard, she did a good job of it while he lived with her, and that makes me very happy.

Also, they put on his discharge papers: “Thank you for bringing Hot Sauce in today! He is a good looking guy!” So his beauty is a MEDICAL FACT.

He likes baths and parkour. His face was shedding in the photos, but most of it is off now (he even let me peel some from his lips without flinching or nipping; just closed his eyes and waited for me to finish WHAT A GOOD). I’ve let him out to explore the apartment a few times, but he just sat next to his terrarium until this most recent jaunt when he started skittering around to explore properly.

thez: Ari IS Inspector Spacetime! Somewhen. (Default)

► Photos are random phone pics taken in the last few weeks, including parts of Central City, Phoenix, and WORLD OF BEER. Why had I never been there before? When can I go back??

► Most of my life has been subsumed into work because we are super understaffed. One coworker left early last year to pursue another career. We’ve been through two replacements and neither one has worked out (HEY COMPANY, IF MY JOB IS SO HARD TO DO MAYBE YOU SHOULD PAY ME MORE). A few weeks ago another coworker was fired. We’re still trying to replace the first one. Bah. Tired. Might explain why I’ve gotten sick twice in three months? Tired.

► I have been over-indulging in my favorite sushi bar to ease the pain, to the point that—for the first time since I moved back to Arizona—most of the restaurant employees know me by name. It’s like Cheers, but with more omega-3 fatty acids.


► I have come full circle in my Attack on Titan viewing by enticing others into the show and receiving their mournful rage in thanks. My new come-home-and-drink show is Vikings, which surprises me. Since when have I ever given a shit about vikings outside of corny metal albums? Since Katheryn Winnick, apparently. And I may have to learn to make gifs because Jessalyn Gilsig’s Siggy is my precious darling child and fandom doesn’t really seem to notice her.
thez: Ari IS Inspector Spacetime! Somewhen. (Default)

► Pictures are from February 2009, of snow in the Santa Catalina Mountains north of Tucson. This was the first time I’d ever seen snow as an adult! (I was born in Chicago, but since we moved away when I was 3 I have no memory of the snow there.) Obviously, all this changed when I moved to Bethlehem. And got to fight with it every year. And beat the “drive in snow” expert course when I had to deliver radioactive materials to local hospitals during a blizzard.

The moral of the story is: fuck snow. (Figuratively.)

► This week was spent convalescing as I continued to fight off my infection. Only on Friday did I finally start feeling like myself again. Still a little run-down, but I made it through a whole day of work and kicked ass. Only one pill left on my antibiotic regimen. Cannot wait for this to be over.

► Finally made it through all episodes of Attack on Titan, and now I have a driving need to see the OVAs and read the manga. Hansi Zoe is still Monarch of My Heart (enough that I have opinions on their name now), but oh gosh. Levi’s squad. And Levi. And Erwin. AND I EVEN LOVE THE FEISTY TEENS, especially Armin and Mikasa (and Mikasa/Sasha but anywayyyyyy). Good job, show. Good job on giving me feelings.

Steven Universe has also given me intense feelings on gay space rocks, but also precious human bbs (Steven and Connie melt my goddamn heart). And through it I have discovered Estelle, and I cannot thank the Crewniverse enough for that. Made it through the first season, (went back and rewatched “Jail Break” a couple of times), and have a few eps to catch up on.

I have a burning need to see Over the Garden Wall next. Not sure if I want to watch the miniseries or the pilot first. Anyone who’s seen both have an opinion?

► Next week will be slowly getting back into the swing of things. SLOWLY. I MEAN IT, SELF. I AM NOT GOING TO ALLOW MYSELF TO OVER-STRESS MYSELF.
thez: Ari IS Inspector Spacetime! Somewhen. (Default)

► Pictures from adventures with [personal profile] mindsplinters and [personal profile] tatterpixie! The top ones are from the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, and the bottom two are from a small historical car exhibit during downtown Tucson’s Second Saturday festivities.

► Pixie did an excellently thorough write-up of the trip here. I don’t have much to add to that, because while it was wonderful just to spend time with them, and while some of the trip was truly enjoyable, I developed a sinus infection the day they arrived and became progressively sicker for the duration.

► I’ve never had a sinus infection before! Even though my sinuses are almost always inflamed, and the condition runs in the family, and my mother and sister get them all the time, this is a first for me. IT’S TERRIBLE. I couldn’t make it through a full day of work Thursday or Friday because my body felt so wrecked.

► I was hesitant about antibiotics, but when I finally went to the clinic yesterday, the NP said the extreme fatigue on top of the other symptoms was a pretty sure sign that the infection is bacterial and not viral, so, you know, go for it. And I did. THANK GOODNESS. Finally starting to feel a modicum of improvement.

► And that is why all I’ve done this week is lie in bed watching Attack on Titan and Steven Universe, even though I STILL need to do my taxes, and renew my auto insurance, and get the belts on my car inspected, and give the landlord legal incentive to turn on the goddamn a/c. But I will continue (mostly) ignoring those things until I am (mostly) better, for my own good.
thez: Ari IS Inspector Spacetime! Somewhen. (Default)

(graphic by [personal profile] caltastic!)

Tetsuya’s profile didn’t require much cleaning up at all. Writing it in the first place was a unique challenge, because while I’ve written canon-based characters or canon-integrated characters, I’ve never RPed a straight-up canon character before Tetsuya. Oddly enough, it helps that there’s not too much of him in canon to work with; just enough to extrapolate what I think is a pretty reasonable personality and background. (And just enough that now I feel like a Tetsuya Kajiwara Expert, which… is sort of the idea, when writing him.)

So, I’ve never seen an official source for his birthday, but multiple websites have it listed as September 21st, which puts him in SUBOSHI’S star sign. That is too perfect to pass up. (Goddamn we need a Suboshi in Perfect World. SO MUCH POTENTIAL HILARITY.) And with Virgo’s prompts in the Shitty Horoscope series, I might actually get something lighthearted out of it this time around.
thez: Ari IS Inspector Spacetime! Somewhen. (Default)

► Philadelphia City Hall and Rittenhouse Square from a trip there back in May 2011 (when I was living in Bethlehem, so it was not so far a journey). I think this might have been my first visit to Philadelphia?

► I am not sure where the week went! I was laid low by “stomach problems” for two days last week (not low enough for me to skip work, but low enough for me to leave early). My body needs to get with the program so I can get shit done.

► My bff’s niece (BFN!) turned TWELVE this week (oh where has the time gone), so I offered to take her out to eat. She chose a dine-in theater, and the movie she wanted to see was The Lazarus Effect. It was exceedingly average, and the BFN is now old enough to snarkily comment “of course the black guy dies first” when Donald Glover’s character bites it (not that I am a fan of Donald Glover, but it doesn’t matter because that is a tired ass trope AND A TWELVE-YEAR-OLD HAS CALLED YOU OUT ON IT, HOLLYWOOD).

► At the very least, this week I managed to: buy my tickets for my visit to [personal profile] nanners! IT’S ALL COMING TOGETHER; get at least 1 CE done; did minimal cleaning; and minimal writing. This week I ought to…

  • do more CEs (at least 2 darn it!)

  • TAXES!?

  • get a massage, so I’m not all gnarled and pained from work when [personal profile] mindsplinters and [personal profile] tatterpixie visit

  • car needs air in tires and an oil change

  • more cleaning! more writing!

(╯°□°)╯︵ <3

January 2017



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