Bandolero by Day

This weekend I returned to Phoenix to visit with the Usual Suspects.

Friday night we went to see "30 Days of Night" (vampires, Alaska, winter), thinking it would be one of those movies of the "so bad it's good" genre, like "Alien Vs. Predator" (which we also paid money to see in the theater). Turns out it was actually pretty disturbing. I am immune to scary movies, so I may not be the best adviser on the matter, but I think it would be a good Halloween film if you find yourself sick of the Saw franchise. It also gets points for not romanticizing the vampires (which mko hates, and I think jesuitfluff also has objections to this). They're not beautiful, high-society, two-fanged neck-suckers -- they're ugly, feral, brutal, piranha-jawed demons.

You will have to ignore astronomical and demographic inconsistencies if you watch it, though. I mean, that's the general idea of how the sun works, but not quite right. And if we're in Barrow, Alaska, where the hell are all the Native Alaskans? They're 60% of the town, dude.


The next day we went to the state fair. I LOVE THE FAIR. :D :D :D It's a happy, magical land where you can eat fry bread while there's an arm-wrestling match on one stage and some band called the Veritones singing about hot dogs on another stage.

THINGS Z ATE: Cajun sausage on a stick, fry bread with honey, fresh squeezed lemonade, frozen yogurt, popcorn.

THINGS Z WANTED TO EAT BUT MISSED: cotton candy, funnel cakes, fudge, anything from the taco stand.

RIDES Z DID NOT VOMIT ON: the giant slide, the tilt-a-whirl, the bumper cars, the sky ride, and the hang-glider ride.

RIDES Z VOMITED ON: NONE.

The hang-glider ride was pretty much exactly what it sounds like. mko pretended to be Superman. I held my arms out and made peace signs, pretending to be Flying Nixon.


Then we went home and watched "Pan's Labyrinth", a movie not inferior to "30 Days of Night" (LITOTES). I had only one problem with the movie, and that was not really the movie's fault: the previews and trailers, and even the reviews for "Pan's Labyrinth" all made me think that the movie would spend the majority of its time in some sort of fantasy realm. I was expecting it to be dark, yes, but I was expecting it to be FANTASTICALLY dark, and so I spent a large portion of the movie waiting for them to get to Fantasy Realm when I could have otherwise been further emotionally investing myself in the film. If somebody told me before hand that the movie would be sent in reality for most of the film, I would have had a better viewing experience, so now I'm passing this information on to anyone who hasn't seen the movie yet. And yes, you should see it.


I am deeply amused at how much "litotes" looks like LOL, TOTES.

Meghan and I went hiking TWO WEEKENDS IN A ROW because we are AWESOME. Honestly, maintaining any sort of exercise routine is a big deal for me.

We did not get very far because there were allegedly coyotes at the other end of the trail. It seemed a good excuse to go back early, for as I pointed out, the coyotes were probably in better shape than us. And we were very worn out.

Week one: dead end at the top of a mountain.

Week two: coyotes.

If we're waylaid by bandits next weekend, I'm just going to take it as a sign that we should not be hiking (or at the very least, we should not be hiking at T-bird park).

Since Lesley was at home with a fever, we held off on "Curse of the Golden Flower" and saw "Children of Men" instead. I find I'm strangely drawn to Clive Owen. The movie itself was enjoyable, but I was a bit surprised when I came home to find out there was "Oscar buzz" for it. I'm just not sure it was that good. Of course, maybe I've just read too many dystopian future sci-fi books and so nothing really jumped out at me. I can imagine it having a greater emotional impact on, say, someone who hasn't read 1984 and Brave New World (and especially Childhood's End, though that's sort of a different story) over and over again.

Still a movie worth watching, I think. In fact, the greatest endorsement I can give this movie is that the TRL-reject teens sitting behind us stood up and proclaimed "That sucked!" when it was over.

LAST WEEKEND

Chest x-rays: DONE. No blood clots. That's just super. It's hard to stretch out like a ballerina when you're wearing a lead apron.

Hair: CUT. Picture to follow below. My barber Rex was impressed by my grades and tells people that I'm going to be a rocket scientist. He is a doll.

Sunday: CHARITY. I wrangled in shinikius and sakibombshell to come with me, but not mko for she had the plague. We got to my office at 7 a.m. where I showed them my desk of misery and my snowglobe pen of not-misery and my GIANT INBOX THAT IS ACTUALLY LARGE TABLE COVERED IN PAPERS. I win for biggest inbox.

The actual charity event was rather poorly organized, and it seemed like we did a lot of sitting around. I mean, there was actual physical labor on our part, but the whole event was largely too many volunteers and not enough direction. Shinikius says that this is what working for the Salvation Army during the holidays was like. I suggested we all do a soup kitchen next year instead.

I discovered at the event that all volunteers were required to wear a red shirt with "Jesus is the reason for the season" printed on it. I take the fact that Sakibombshell and I did not burn to death when we put the shirts on to be proof that God loves heathens. WE EVEN HAD SHINIKIUS SNAP A PICTURE OF US SAYING "CHEESE-US", AND NOTHING. I think I will create a new proverb for Miscellatheism that states "What humans call blasphemy, God calls comedy".

Post-charity: THE HISTORY BOYS. I think the movie was trying to communicate two things: 1) Oxford and Cambridge are overrated, and 2) all British schoolboys, past and present, are either gay or bi-curious. A good movie, though. It made me want to see the play, so apparently I must have enjoyed it.

THIS WEEKEND (SO FAR)

Ballet: THE NUTCRACKER. (or as my mother called it, "The Man-hater") The tickets were my gift for Shinikius and Sakibombshell and Mko (who did not have the plague this time!), and we went to a matinee showing at Phoenix Symphony Hall. Even though we were last row center, PSH is such a well-constructed venue that we still had a fantastic view. I wish I could describe how beautiful the costumes and the sets were, but all I've got is "It sure LOOKED like a $1.8 million production".

I want Russian Trepak dancer action figures.

When we left the venue at about 4, the bells at St. Mary's Basilica were playing "Noel". The combined force of the bells and the ballet were enough to kill the Scrooge in me for a little while. I wasn't ready to go home (which means that no one else was either, at least in my mental universe), so we strode off towards the basilica, which has a gift shop. I never noticed the gift shop before. For that matter, I never noticed all the bronze statues of dancing nudes in front of the Herberger Theater before. I commented on the fact that most of the statues were female, and Mko suggested that this was so that the sculptor wouldn't have to mould too many bronze penises. A good point. I'm glad that the bronze statues of Pope John Paul II, Mother Theresa and St. Francis at the basilica were fully clothed.

We went past the basilica to Heritage Square because I was hoping to stop by the Teeter House, but they were closed. Way to not put up any "closed" signs during your regular hours of operation, Teeter House! If you did not have the greatest chicken salad and strawberry shortcake and chocolate espresso tortes on the planet, I would SO be boycotting you right now! WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU???

So we walked back towards the PSH and ate at The Matador. It's a damn good thing alliath came to visit in October, or else I might have passed up The Matador and gotten stuck with Pizzeria Bianco instead.

Oh, and I gave Mko the Jesus shirt. She doesn't like the slogan so much, but she's a big fan of the J-man, so I think she'll appreciate it more than me.

It's my sister's birthday. She's 21. Holy crap. She can drink in public now.

She doesn't read this, but if she did, I'd say "Hey! I love you like a brother from the same mother, except you're a sister." That makes total sense!

Second is shinikius, the Aran, the Powerful and Deadly!

We're not in the habit of buying each other birthday gifts, but I think the crazy Otakon pr0n makes up for it. P.S. Lesley: Meghan and myself and maybe Nicole (if she doesn't work and she checks her phone message) are going out for dinner tomorrow, so if you don't work you must come. If you do work, I wouldn't be surprised. DAMN THE MAN.

Instead I was woken up at, uh, noon-thirty as shinikius and sakibombshell stormed the castle. I gave unto them gifts, we ate at Island's Big Wave Burgers (excellent burgers, very good, but I don't think they exist outside of Arizona and California), and we braved the mall for a 40% off sale at the bookstore. Said bookstore is going out of business, and I've already patronized them twice for cheap reading material. I think I purchased at least half of their language section: two books on Spanish grammar and conjugation (are 501 Spanish verbs really enough? NO.), two books on the etymology of kanji and hiragana characters, two books on reading and writing Thai, two books on Chinese, and one Kurdish dictionary. The last one I purchased on Monday while there with mko.

"Question: should I, or should I not buy the Kurdish-English dictionary?"

"You'll probably end up on some sort of list for wanting to learn a Middle-Eastern language."

"Well then I'm DEFINITELY buying it!"

Then, we went to Fry's Electronics, where I was amazed to find half the population of Phoenix. We concluded our get-together with a viewing of "Yami no Matsuei," which is EH okay. Negative points for the bizarre chicken character that will surely haunt my dreams. Bonus points for the also-bizarre ending theme that sounded like some sort of Japanese polka-ska.

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Episode 19 of "Saiyuki: Reload" was sad sad SAD. I think skyfrog is the only other person on my friends list who keeps up with the show, so I'll leave it at that.

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My parents' gift, which was supposed to come tomorrow, arrived today. Better a day early than a day late, I suppose. I got them a record player, because they have crates and crates of vinyl in the garage that were going unloved. They seem to think it's the greatest thing ever, especially my father, so I think I did rather well.

Dad: "Okay, I want to listen to the next song now, and- WHAT'S THAT? No fast-forward? Whatever shall I do? THIS IS WHAT IT WAS LIKE IN THE OLD DAYS."

Then he got his groove on to David Bowie and Black Sabbath. It was pretty funny.

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Your Christmas cards are no longer Christmas cards. They are now Holiday cards, because they are going to be late. SO LATE. As erythros said, THIS IS BECAUSE I AM SO GENEROUS AS TO EXTEND THE GIVING SEASON.