Today was a good day.
Mar. 19th, 2004 11:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thezConsider this a brain meat update, as I promised one a while back.
I am feeling very much like me, which is a wonderful thing.
I am on medication, which is something I wouldn't have even considered six months ago. It's not Prozac and it's not Welbutrin and it hasn't turned me into a zombie yet, or made me nauseous, jittery, or otherwise sick. I feel exactly like I did months ago, except that I'm not afraid to sleep at night, I'm not having panic attacks and nightmares, and I'm not bursting into tears every other minute for no good reason. I'm happy and sad because that's what I feel, and not because something's going haywire in my brain, and that's exactly what I wanted. As a matter of fact, the medicine is so effective that I only have to take it at half the normal dosage, which gives me flexibility, which ALSO makes me happy.
I have an intelligent, down-to-earth psychologist who asks all the right questions, and an absolutely delightful psychiatrist who actually kept me after my last appointment to talk about politics and recent advances in psychotherapy, just because she enjoys conversing with me. The feeling is mutual, I assure you. Furthermore, I can actually PAY for these things now. I've also started talking to my parents about the past in a calm, functional manner and just...
Wow. I'm impressed, personally.
And now, I'm NOT going to lie in bed in cold panic only to wake from a nightmare a half an hour later. I'm going to drift off into a full, restful sleep, and I'm not going to take it for granted one damned bit.
Today was a really, really good day.
I am feeling very much like me, which is a wonderful thing.
I am on medication, which is something I wouldn't have even considered six months ago. It's not Prozac and it's not Welbutrin and it hasn't turned me into a zombie yet, or made me nauseous, jittery, or otherwise sick. I feel exactly like I did months ago, except that I'm not afraid to sleep at night, I'm not having panic attacks and nightmares, and I'm not bursting into tears every other minute for no good reason. I'm happy and sad because that's what I feel, and not because something's going haywire in my brain, and that's exactly what I wanted. As a matter of fact, the medicine is so effective that I only have to take it at half the normal dosage, which gives me flexibility, which ALSO makes me happy.
I have an intelligent, down-to-earth psychologist who asks all the right questions, and an absolutely delightful psychiatrist who actually kept me after my last appointment to talk about politics and recent advances in psychotherapy, just because she enjoys conversing with me. The feeling is mutual, I assure you. Furthermore, I can actually PAY for these things now. I've also started talking to my parents about the past in a calm, functional manner and just...
Wow. I'm impressed, personally.
And now, I'm NOT going to lie in bed in cold panic only to wake from a nightmare a half an hour later. I'm going to drift off into a full, restful sleep, and I'm not going to take it for granted one damned bit.
Today was a really, really good day.